You've got to be kidding me!

I was between classes and starving, so I decided to head over to the Tivoli student union a grab a bite to eat. In the basement I discovered several eateries. There is a Taco Bell, a McDonald’s, a Chinese place, a Subway (although it’s still under construction), and a Chicago Dog. I was struggling with my decision, as I don’t eat fast food. Most of the student body still has a metabolism that allows them to consume corrugated tin, and not gain an ounce. Sadly (and visibly obvious), I do not. I chose Chicago Dog, since I figured I could just get a basic brat and that would be the lesser of all the evils (it also had the shortest line). I ordered, paid, and picked up my lunch. Upon receiving my food, I looked back at the cashier and asked her if I got the correct thing. She assured me that my order was delivered correctly. The reason for my consternation was that the brat was small and somewhat grey, and the mustard (sparingly applied) had a greenish hue to it. “This doesn’t look like the picture on the wall” I said. The young lady assured me that this was how they came. Did I mention that it was $7.00? Time to start bringing my own snacks.

While studiously working on my first Pre-Algebra homework assignment, I discovered a discrepancy with one of the answers. Problem #39 shows the answer should be 242r3. I got 242r7. I assumed (as we all would) that I got it wrong. I worked the problem several more times, and I even used a calculator (a big no-no), but I kept getting 242r7. The next day I brought this to my Algebra Professor. He said (I shit you not), “ Every now and then, you may find that a few of the answers are wrong”. “For real?” I asked. “Yep. It’s nothing to worry about, just bring it to my attention if you find another one” he said. “Another one? Seriously?” Under normal circumstances, I might be okay with this, but not when my math book costs $107.45! For over a hundred bucks, I want nothing less than perfection. Tom Carson, the primary author, and Pearson/Addison/Wesley, the publishers, should have hired a team of mathematicians from a heralded East coast think tank, and maybe even a few NASA scientists to proof read this book. I already suck at math and now I have to report any incorrect answers I may find? $107.45. Unbelievable.

Now for the good stuff:

There are two classmates that share English and Psychology with me. Dominique is a striking 34 year old former professional surfer with tan skin and raven hair. Jada is a lovely 18 year old who is also 6 months pregnant. As we attend both of these classes together, we have formed mutual distain of Javier and the “There but for the grace of God go I” gang.

We have noticed that Soma (the English Professor) is already starting to pause, if even for just a second, before calling on Javier. One of the reasons is that Javier takes twice as long as everyone else to say anything. His speaking style is not unlike that of a mildly retarded seven year old on Ritalin, who tends to pause about every third word. During the second class last week, we all had to pair off, interview, and then stand up and introduce the other class mate. When it came time for Javier to speak, he stood and began a rather long winded and confusing presentation starting at birth and eventually arriving at present. About half way through his speech, I began to methodically bang my head on my desk. I figured no one would notice as most of the class had slipped into a comfortably numb comatose state (lucky bastards). Upon his conclusion (four and a half days later), Soma asked what the name of his classmate was, as he forgot to start off with it. Javier looked a little bewildered, and asked why? It turns out he had been providing his own introduction in the third person. That and the entire time he was talking, he had a bunch of shit in his teeth, and grabbed himself twice (seriously).

Psychology 101 is one of the few classes that I took and passed in both high school and college. If I had classmates such as the gang, I swear I could have written a doctoral thesis, and graduated after one class. I’ve only been in three classes with these characters, and I’m already starting to question the theory of Darwinism, particularly concerning Earl. Earl, Earl, Earl, where to begin. His voice, as I’ve talked about before, grows increasingly abhorrent. A fellow student, sitting behind me today, commented on how, during the first day of class (before he had a chance to see who was talking), thought it was a woman talking when Earl spoke. When Earl has something to say, he desperately tries to get Professor Nader’s attention by channeling Arnold Horshack from “Welcome Back Kotter”. If you really listen, you can just barely hear the ball and socket joint straining in his shoulder when he raises his hand. It sounds like “Ooo, ooo, oooh… Mr. Kott-air” It wouldn’t be as bad if when Earl offered up an answer he got it right. But alas, nearly every time Earl speaks, he gets it wrong. He not only gets it wrong, but he then questions the Professors’ methodology as to how he arrived at the correct answer. During one of these episodes today, Jada could be clearly heard saying “Jesus Christ… shut up!”, as she had lost her patience. I think as her gestation continues, she will have less and less tolerance for the likes of Javier and Earl. God help them if she looses it, ‘cause no one else will.

Now onto the three women. I’ve noticed that, in addition to their continued ass kissing and trying to maintain a monopoly of the Professor’s attention, there are a few idiosyncratic behavior issues they display. One of them continually whispers when she thinks she’s saying something controversial. Here’s an example: “Well I think you could look at the abortion issue for a good comparison”. “What was that?” “The abortion issue”. “I’m sorry, what?” “Abortion”. “Um, okay”. Another one of them provides every response in the form of a question, and the third sniffs so frequently, I wonder if she has a cocaine habit. That having been said, Earl is still the star wack-job of the gang.

I’ll be sure to keep you all up to date as to the goings on at school. Please enjoy this post.