Holy crap! I have a 4.0 grade point average. I just took a look at my transcript on-line. I’ve never had that kind of GPA! Hard work and determination… who knew? Well, now on to next semester. I’m enrolled in the summer session, and I’m only taking one class. I figure that’ll be easier, as I need to focus on the content of my Intro to Law class, while growing into my new job with Centura Health.
I finally have a job, and it was a lot harder than I thought it would be to obtain. I started applying for part time work a couple of months ago. I was applying to companies like Whole Foods, Fed Ex, Barns & Noble, and others mainly because they offer flexible schedules and health benefits for part time employees. I wasn’t getting any calls or e-mails, so I decided to investigate further. I soon came to realize that my resume was holding me back. When I talked to the hiring manager at Whole Foods, I discovered that I was deemed over-qualified. I explained my current status as a student, but she told me that they had already hired someone. I continued to apply for work, but this time, I included that I was a student, and was looking for part time work, due to my school schedule. I thought that would help, but my changes didn’t provide any positive results, until Centura Health called. I had my first call back, followed by my first interview, and finally followed by my first job offer. I excitedly accepted.
Now for the hoops I had to jump through to secure the job offer: Due to recent Colorado laws, every health care worker, regardless of their capacity, must submit to a drug, tuberculosis, MMR (measles, mumps, & rubella) tests, as well as a (what I was told would be) minor physical. I assumed that the drug test would be a blood draw, but as it turns out, I had to pee in a cup. Before I was allowed to do that, I had to turn over my cell phone, i-pod, keys, and other assorted gadgets and place them in a lock box. At that point, I was wondering when they were going to cuff me. The worst strike against me was that the nurse made me take off my baseball cap. I said, “For real?” She told me yes. I said, “Yeah, but my hair, or lack there of, looks kike shit.” She didn’t care, or at least, she wasn’t willing to let that be deterrent. I complied and was directed to go into a small bathroom. I asked her if I could have some water, as I didn’t feel the need to pee. Apparently, the time for that has passed. In the end, I was able to produce what she needed. I handed her the container, which was growing disturbingly warmer. She placed an electronic cap on the sample container, and placed it in a high-tech looking machine. My urine was tested for sugar, protein, and some other stuff, and finally, it was tested for drugs. All the results came back negative. Thank God they weren’t testing for booze!
Next, I was put through an exacting regiment of visual, auditory, and other tests. I was then escorted to a small examination room, where I was told to disrobe, and put on a pair of “shorts.” From what I have ascertained, men are no longer allowed the limited dignity of a paper gown. We now have to wear a flimsy pair of paper shorts. For those of us men, who may suffer from back fat, love handles, and (God forbid) man boobs, these “shorts” don’t cover anything. The physician then performed the standard physical exam tests. I was starting to become comfortable with the procedure, when he snapped the latex glove into place on his hand. I could literally feel the blood leave my head. I said, “Hey, I was told this wouldn’t be that kind of exam.” The doctor said that all health care workers must undergo a full physical. I said something like, “I was to understand that this exam wouldn’t evolve a glove.” He reassured me that he wasn’t searching for hemorrhoids, but rather checking for hernias. For a brief second, I was relieved, until I realized what he truly meant. I dropped trow, and turned my head and coughed. I still don’t understand how grasping a man’s “berries” will reveal a hernia in the belly-button region.
Anyway, after that, the next nurse came in. He injected active tuberculosis under the skin of my right fore-arm. It raised a welt. Next, he drew blood to make sure that I had the appropriate MMR vaccinations. I think he was in training for a dentist, because his efforts left a bruise the size of a golf ball. I think he was twisting the needle around, for fun. From what I can tell, his needle went directly through the vein. I have spent the last week looking like an IV drug user. By the way, did I mention that I hate needles? Not needles going into other people, but only needles going into me. I have to look away and hold my breath, in order to endure the procedure.
Today was my first day in my new job as a cashier with Centura Health (http://www.centura.org/). I work 25 hours a week, and the big plus is that I get full insurance coverage including health, vision, and dental. I am responsible for documenting three to four million dollars, of incoming checks, every month. It’s not terribly difficult, but it’s a lot of responsibility. I have the only key to the safe, which houses all the next days’ checks and cash. I have the only key to my desk, that contains all sorts of confidential information, and I’m the only one responsible for creating and making the daily deposits (today’s deposit was in excess for $75,000.00), and today was only my first day. I think these people need to get to know me a little better, before handing me a bucket load a cash and personal information that belongs to hundreds of strangers.
So far, everyone I’ve met at work, seem to be really nice. It’s worth noting that I’m the only man working in this office. I say this because there’s only one bathroom in the office. I was told by no less than four people, on my first day, that I need to leave the toilet seat down. While I found the humor in these statements, as I assume they were intended to be (sort of), I have decided to use the men’s room out in the hall. The way I see it, testosterone aside, I don’t have what it would take to battle these women over such a hot point issue. I believe they would kill me, should I leave the seat up. Why tempt fate?
Everyone was very impressed with how quickly I picked up the various tasks I would be responsible for. That bodes well, for my future part time career. I hope to keep this job through out my scholastic endeavor.
I finally have a job, and it was a lot harder than I thought it would be to obtain. I started applying for part time work a couple of months ago. I was applying to companies like Whole Foods, Fed Ex, Barns & Noble, and others mainly because they offer flexible schedules and health benefits for part time employees. I wasn’t getting any calls or e-mails, so I decided to investigate further. I soon came to realize that my resume was holding me back. When I talked to the hiring manager at Whole Foods, I discovered that I was deemed over-qualified. I explained my current status as a student, but she told me that they had already hired someone. I continued to apply for work, but this time, I included that I was a student, and was looking for part time work, due to my school schedule. I thought that would help, but my changes didn’t provide any positive results, until Centura Health called. I had my first call back, followed by my first interview, and finally followed by my first job offer. I excitedly accepted.
Now for the hoops I had to jump through to secure the job offer: Due to recent Colorado laws, every health care worker, regardless of their capacity, must submit to a drug, tuberculosis, MMR (measles, mumps, & rubella) tests, as well as a (what I was told would be) minor physical. I assumed that the drug test would be a blood draw, but as it turns out, I had to pee in a cup. Before I was allowed to do that, I had to turn over my cell phone, i-pod, keys, and other assorted gadgets and place them in a lock box. At that point, I was wondering when they were going to cuff me. The worst strike against me was that the nurse made me take off my baseball cap. I said, “For real?” She told me yes. I said, “Yeah, but my hair, or lack there of, looks kike shit.” She didn’t care, or at least, she wasn’t willing to let that be deterrent. I complied and was directed to go into a small bathroom. I asked her if I could have some water, as I didn’t feel the need to pee. Apparently, the time for that has passed. In the end, I was able to produce what she needed. I handed her the container, which was growing disturbingly warmer. She placed an electronic cap on the sample container, and placed it in a high-tech looking machine. My urine was tested for sugar, protein, and some other stuff, and finally, it was tested for drugs. All the results came back negative. Thank God they weren’t testing for booze!
Next, I was put through an exacting regiment of visual, auditory, and other tests. I was then escorted to a small examination room, where I was told to disrobe, and put on a pair of “shorts.” From what I have ascertained, men are no longer allowed the limited dignity of a paper gown. We now have to wear a flimsy pair of paper shorts. For those of us men, who may suffer from back fat, love handles, and (God forbid) man boobs, these “shorts” don’t cover anything. The physician then performed the standard physical exam tests. I was starting to become comfortable with the procedure, when he snapped the latex glove into place on his hand. I could literally feel the blood leave my head. I said, “Hey, I was told this wouldn’t be that kind of exam.” The doctor said that all health care workers must undergo a full physical. I said something like, “I was to understand that this exam wouldn’t evolve a glove.” He reassured me that he wasn’t searching for hemorrhoids, but rather checking for hernias. For a brief second, I was relieved, until I realized what he truly meant. I dropped trow, and turned my head and coughed. I still don’t understand how grasping a man’s “berries” will reveal a hernia in the belly-button region.
Anyway, after that, the next nurse came in. He injected active tuberculosis under the skin of my right fore-arm. It raised a welt. Next, he drew blood to make sure that I had the appropriate MMR vaccinations. I think he was in training for a dentist, because his efforts left a bruise the size of a golf ball. I think he was twisting the needle around, for fun. From what I can tell, his needle went directly through the vein. I have spent the last week looking like an IV drug user. By the way, did I mention that I hate needles? Not needles going into other people, but only needles going into me. I have to look away and hold my breath, in order to endure the procedure.
Today was my first day in my new job as a cashier with Centura Health (http://www.centura.org/). I work 25 hours a week, and the big plus is that I get full insurance coverage including health, vision, and dental. I am responsible for documenting three to four million dollars, of incoming checks, every month. It’s not terribly difficult, but it’s a lot of responsibility. I have the only key to the safe, which houses all the next days’ checks and cash. I have the only key to my desk, that contains all sorts of confidential information, and I’m the only one responsible for creating and making the daily deposits (today’s deposit was in excess for $75,000.00), and today was only my first day. I think these people need to get to know me a little better, before handing me a bucket load a cash and personal information that belongs to hundreds of strangers.
So far, everyone I’ve met at work, seem to be really nice. It’s worth noting that I’m the only man working in this office. I say this because there’s only one bathroom in the office. I was told by no less than four people, on my first day, that I need to leave the toilet seat down. While I found the humor in these statements, as I assume they were intended to be (sort of), I have decided to use the men’s room out in the hall. The way I see it, testosterone aside, I don’t have what it would take to battle these women over such a hot point issue. I believe they would kill me, should I leave the seat up. Why tempt fate?
Everyone was very impressed with how quickly I picked up the various tasks I would be responsible for. That bodes well, for my future part time career. I hope to keep this job through out my scholastic endeavor.
2 comments:
I'm glad you are finally a contributor to society again Mike - good for you....and just so you know, during the rectal exam something to note: one hand on the shoulder = fine, two hands = not fine.
Karl
Great job on your grades!! "Hey, Lenny, sell all my Centura Health stock immediately!"
Bobo
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